Countdown to Wiping Out Cancer

Toni will be starting chemo at 9am on Friday, June 5th. Mark it down. We'll be counting down from now on. She'll start the day with a blood test. They use the blood test to benchmark her white count and other "markers." Then she will proceed to start her first chemo infusion. We should be done around noon. Hopefully, we'll keep to this schedule. It works out the best for the both of us. The first week should pass somewhat calmly. After that, the treatment becomes a cumulative series of events.

In some regards, we are prepared for what is coming. We have educated ourselves, and discussed the changes that must now become part of our daily routine. Food choices will be critical. Exercise and mediation must be consistently done. Both of us are changing our work habits to allow extra time to be together for the next 6 to 8 months (minimum). And then it is all about focusing on one day at a time. Perhaps, tracking our progress on this blog will help keep us grounded.

Understandably, cancer has forced us onto a new path. Yet , it seems that this path is healthier in a very strange way. It almost has a liberating feeling. May I suggest that LIFE "is." And isn't that the point? Life is many things. Now Toni and I must redefine what it "is." A vivid memory surfaces for me; remember Jack Palance in the movie "City Slickers." Jack Palance played the leather tough cowboy guiding Billy Crystal and others through the wilderness on a "dude" ranch cattle drive. Billy Crystal is struggling to "find" himself, and asks Jack Palance what the meaning of life is. Jack Palance answers (holding up his hand with only his index finger pointed toward the sky), "that." Billy looks at him curiously and says, "Your finger?" Jack clarifies as scruffily as only he can, "One thing, and the rest doesn't matter." First blush, that would seem a bit narrow, but for me, I am beginning to "get it." No doubt I may need to make course corrections, yet my one thing is "time for family." Careers and life goals have started to be questioned. Since being with Toni, my views of life went from chaotic to pragmatic to dynamic. So, as you might imagine, our bedtime conversations have us questioning everything and making better life decisions that extend towards not only us but our families.

Whew, well enough of Bryan's therapy session. I now owe a lot of people something for the time spent reading this. More later... love to all.

Toni joins the SCCA graduating chemo class of Jan 2010

Did the chemo consult thing and blood work up for 26 weeks of chemo plus radiation. The first 13 weeks of CMF chemo are delivered in two wonderfully formulated products. A small pill taken daily (C) and then a weekly infusion using the porta-catheter (MF). Then maybe 6 weeks of radiation followed by another 11 to 13 weeks of chemo (same regimen). There is a slight chance that Toni may be eligible for a hybrid of (C) and radiation, but that remains to be presented as a real option. That would enable her to complete all of the chemo and radiation in 26 weeks.

Chemo-Lite. Minimal hair loss, can go to work, have somewhat of a life, etc. But it is a "wait and see" thing. From all accounts, everyone reacts differently, yet this is suppose to the the easier of the two treatments. Part eat right, exercise and take the right meds at the right time.
The rest is keeping a positive spin on things. We are going to incorporate daily meditation into our lives. We hear it can help keep you centered. My swim coach Cecil Townsend (when I swam for the Belmont Barracudas... back in the day) had us all do meditation. If I remember, I slept well during those sessions.

Toni is starting to get ready for next week. So far, she has acquired a very fun and furry stuffed bear made from an alpaca coat. We picked up the bear while at San Juan Island at the alpaca farm (See picture below). In addition, she also has a T-shirt to wear... WARNING: THOSE WITH SENSITIVE EYES SKIP DOWN... It simply states (but without the #%$) "F#%$ Cancer." Obviously I am happy she is showing a lot of fight in her.

The SCCA is suppose to call her tomorrow (Thursday 5/28) with her first scheduled treatment. We have asked to formally start on Friday June 5th. We'll add in a little more detail as things shake out.

More pictures from San Juan Island

Back porch of the Wildwood Manor

Toni got the rare opportunity to feed the alpacas

Sunset at Roche Harbor after a wonderful dinner at McMillan's

Radiant Toni sniffing the lilacs

Part of the garden at Wildwood Manor

One of the living rooms at Wildwood Manor

The view looking out at the Straits of Juan de Fuca. This is where we saw the whales and enjoyed a wonderfully romantic lunch.

We saw a lot of orcas, including "babies" and a real playful group that breached and jumped out of the water.

Note the number of boats. Mix of the whale watching tour and private boats trying to catch a glimpse of the whales.

Good morning! Here are a few pictures of a bear, the deer and the view. It is wonderful here. It smells like lilacs and there are two kitties wondering around. We are having a wonderful time - very relaxing. Good down time for us. We are off to breakfast and then exploring the island. Probable stops are the alpaca farm and the lavender farm. More updates to follow!

What a Day in Friday Harbor!

Today, Toni and I ventured to Friday Harbor via the Anacortes Ferry. We somewhat puttered getting out of the house about 9:30am to make the 2:40pm sailing. Now, Anacortes is about 2 hrs north of Kirkland. But since it was a Holiday/long weekend etc. we thought it would be prudent to leave early. So, we arrived in good time (ok, great time) about 11:30am. Nuts, now we had a 3 hour wait. Overtime, the ferry dock filled up and we were glad we arrived early.

The ferry ride was fine. A glorious day of sunshine and warm temperatures. Toni "worked" on her questions to ask the oncologist. We also spent a good deal of the "waiting on the ferry time" reading to each other from a book entitled, "It's not about the hair." This book was written by a chaplain at the SCCA (where Toni has been receiving her cancer surgeries and treatment). Her name is Debra Jarvis. Good odds we'll meet her in the next few weeks, as she works on the same floor that Toni will be receiving her chemo stuff. Her story is quite compelling and is almost precisely Toni's situation (from the cancer side of things). A very good read. We found ourselves laughing and then crying within paragraphs as we read through the chapters. Somehow this is becoming more real all the time. Ok, enough of that.

So the ferry captain made great time as well and in 10 minutes time we were standing in the bed and breakfast place... if you want to check it out... http://www.wildwoodmanor.com/

We are the guests of Michael and John. As I sought out a place to stay, I ran into a "Trip Advisor" review of Friday Harbor Bed and Breakfast places. Well this place just happen to win the 2009 award as the Best. And we are finding out why. It is a stunning home (borderline mini-mansion). We'll have some pictures later, but oh my... what a view of the Straits of Juan de Fuca (and the San Juan Islands). And the location is private and just serene. Toni was at home in an instant as 5 deer walked into the front area of the property and started feeding (the owners feed them every day). We were frying the camera memory card in no time.

Once we had a snipet of the flora and fauna, we drove to a nearby town called Roche Harbor. The owners were kind enough to get reservations for us at McMillins (long family history in this area). Dinner was impeccable. Yet we were urged to stay and watch "Colors" at sunset. Yes, as a sailor this meant a lot to me. It was my daily routine for several years. It had some twists to it, and three anthems (Canada, Britain, and the US). They played the national anthems of Canada and then Britain, yet kept the US nautical tradition of playing Taps to retire the US flag. At the end, a gent standing on one of the buildings over looking all of the yacht club (the boats in this harbor are in the several $$million dollar range), begins by reading off events and general announcements: an engagement, a one year anniversary, a major who had returned from Iraq, blah blah blah. Toni and I thought... cute, but it is getting chilly, let's go back to the B&B and call it a night. I even made a comment to Toni that "we are not on the list he is reading anyway." Just as we walk off the dock, the guy announces (now get this... he is amplified on a speaker in which you can hear across the harbor and it is being piped into the local restaurants as well)... and "Happy Anniversary to Bryan and Toni Ross, and Happy Birthday to Toni." Toni and I just looked at each other. Toni thought I had something to do with it. But "swearin' on a stack of Bibles etc" I had nothing to do with it. Yes I told the guys at the Wildwood B&B. I am pretty sure Michael and John had everything to do with it. It was a once in a lifetime gesture. And it was a perfect moment, as I was with the one person that I adore and love above all. What a wonderous end to a terrific day!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY (3 years)

Toni and I are celebrating our 3 year anniversary today. As I look back on these past 3 years, I find myself to be quite lucky to have my best friend as my wife and companion. She has brought me unconditional love while letting me grow as a person with her. Looking into her eyes there is always a girl, yet when I listen to her voice and observe her, there before me is an extraordinary woman. I think we have yet to see her at her best. And I can't imagine life without her.

We are Borg...the transformation continues

We saw Star Trek this weekend. I felt like a Borg with my drain tube hanging out and now I have an actual implant. If you are confused, google Borg.

So we are back home. And after a nap feeling a little better. I didn't sleep well last night - very anxious about the procedure. But everything went great. The doctor and nurses were all wonderful. Very patient and thorough in explaining what was going to happen and also very gentle with me. Although this procedure was not as extensive as my other two surgeries, this one caused me about as much worry. I spent the entire morning telling myself "Don't cry, don't cry." That worked as well as can be expected and I was still weepy when the doctor ask if I had any concerns. Overall, this was probably one of the best experiences I've had with the staff at the SCCA.

So the port is purple. There are two incisions. One is a few inches below my collar bone and one just above it. I'm mostly sore by my neck and it hurts some to swallow. The tubey part goes up over my collar bone and eventually into the vena cava vein that leads to my heart. Some people have this surgery and go for their first chemo treatment directly after. I'm very glad that's not what they did with me. I'll be happy with a few week's healing. We'll post a picture later (if you can see anything.)

Bryan was, of course, my sweet bear, as he always is. His support and care for me always makes everything better. With his love and understanding, Bryan keeps me going. I'm not always the most positive person but Bryan's sweetness and humor helps to lift me up when I need it.

Fly me a river - I am a Boeing Employee

Lots of updates today: I am busy holding Mr. Maggie (the kitty), so Bryan is taking dictation.
- 1st week back at work went ok.
- Some days it was hard to stay focused. And I was tired by the end of the week, but happy to be back.
-Kitty is missing me, cuddle time has decreased significantly, hence we are sharing a cuddling moment tonight.
- So the portacath goes in Tuesday. It will be under conscious sedation; I will be awake but won't remember most of the day. It is larger than I thought, but all the things I have read say that it is not very visible. After it heals it is not suppose to be a problem at all.
- My bandages have now turned into a "Nemo" bandaid.
- I have several physical therapy sessions scheduled to help get the range of motion back in my arm. I am trying to work on slowly stretching, but I am looking forward to lifting my arm above my head. Bryan and I still have the ritual of him putting my hair into a pony tail every morning.
- Chemo will be starting the 1st week in June instead of the 2nd. We still don't know which kind I will have, but we will be discussing it with the oncologist on the 27th.
- Lastly, I finally "officially" joined Boeing as an employee. So I am no longer a contract employee. So I was awarded my Blue badge today and turned in my Grey badge.

BACK TO WORK!!!! And Le Update (sounds better in French)

Photo: Toni and friend at Mt. Rainer. She fed all of the animals in the forest that day.
Ok, so, a chipmunk and two birds did reeealllly well.

Toni thoroughly enjoyed the weekend less her (can't repeat the names for the) drain. And she joined the Eastside commute to Everett and returned to her job at Boeing. By all accounts, she was sorely missed by her team.

A busy couple of weeks to follow: 1) May 12 - visit with dietitian, and discuss getting a portable catheter implanted (think similar to a pacemaker under the skin, but allows chemo-therapy injections); 2) May 19th - Surgery to implant the "porta-cath"; 3) May 27th - Oncology consult in preparation for chemo. Bottom line... chemo starts around the 2nd week in June.

HOWEVER.....there is still time for le romance. Toni and I will be spending 2 days over the Memorial Day weekend in the San Juan Islands at a bed and breakfast in Friday Harbor. This will be our 3rd year anniversary and we'll also be celebrating her birthday 5/24. We'll post pictures.

Thanks for the warm messages of love and prayers. You can also check in with us on Facebook, as a few family and friends have been doing. We want to thank Mary Yackey's 1st Grade school class for having us on their prayer list.

THE TUBE IS OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_-A8JAx4D8&feature=related

click on link for demonstration on how I feel now...

Call the plumber

Promising news! It would appear that the drain may just make it below 30ml. One more day and the drain gets pulled perhaps on Friday. What relief that should bring. Thursday will no doubt creep by. Tune in. More pictures on the way...and maybe a video.

Working on the Blog Site

We are working to see how to get the comments section to work. Typically, you should be able to click on the word "comments." Then a box should appear. There will be a profile tab with a drop down arrow... you can select "anonymous." Then click at the bottom to send the comment. It might not show up right away... we have a feature that has us review the comments before publishing. Yada Yada Yada. So we'll keep trying to make it easy for everyone to participate in the blog.

Love to all.

Weekly outlook for Toni

This week should hold some promise for comfort. On the top of the list is getting the drain pulled out. Toni just told me (at 3:02pm) that she is going to have the tube in forever. So far the results are just slightly slowing down. She is averageing 100ml/day, and 30ml over two days is the goal. Blah. The doctor wondered if Toni had named her drain bottle yet. I can't repeat the name(s) Toni would have for the bottle. I think we'll skip naming the bottle. However, if the tube comes out, we think a lot of the pain Toni is having will subside. Right now, managing the pain seems to be Toni's challenge. Too many drugs, she feels loopy, and of course with too few drugs, she is quite uncomfortable.

We started to put together the nutrition plan. Toni will be working with a nutritionist at the SCCA within the next few weeks. Altering our diets now, will help Toni be ready for chemo.
We have found some interesting recipes. And in what we have changed, has actually tasted better as well. But we have left room for small scoops of ice cream. I have been using an old recipe that Dad and Mom used to make home made ice cream. We bought a cuisinart ice cream maker, and in 30 minutes you can make 2 qts of ice cream. We'll probably will be using it for healthy smoothies most of the time.

Wish Toni luck in getting the tube out!

Bear Huggin'

Toni and I sharing a hug at the Heceta Light House over looking the Pacific Ocean in Oregon.